Friday, 3 January 2014

I am 59 going on 60 ...

It has been a long time since I posted, and this is not a New Year's Resolution to start posting regularly.

The last two years saw my life torn apart by cancer. To say I hate cancer is mild. There is an expletive that adds the full force of my hate. Cancer struck my husband, my mother and her sister. I've had enough of cancer.

I have tried to get my life back together. I've had sex with three (much younger) guys I wanted to be with, and I assume they wanted to be with me in bed! That  has helped. The most recent guy has also been a life saver for me. I wish I knew what the chemistry is that I have with him, but he has given me a confidence that I never thought I would ever have again, thanks to cancer. If what I have is love and if it is returned, I don't know. There are plenty of unhatched eggs and too few chicks so I am not going to start counting.

I've also made friends with cancer widows and widowers, other guys who are not interested in me sexually but who have extended the helping hand of kindness and friendship.

It's not been easy to keep myself well balanced all year. Tears still pop up unexpectedly. Sometimes just a little moisture in the eye, sometimes with the force of a river in flood. It has got easier, but there are still some cracks as I discovered yesterday.

So if any readers of my blog are gay, Oriental (preferably Chinese, but other races are not excluded), in the age group of 30 to 50, I'm happy to know you and maybe meet you. Maybe only as friends, but friendship is underrated.

Laing and I were friends before we realised our friendship was something more. When, on 19th March 2012, he was diagnosed with cancer, only then did we know what love demanded of us. Only then did we discover the full strength of our love. I hope none of you will face cancer, whether operable or curable or not. It is a roller coaster experience.

The other thing is, even at my age, I find I am able to be attractive to others. That is one hell of an ego massage. Age and widowhood doesn't mean the end of one's own life. It is the close of one chapter, and the story has still far to go.

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