Gone, but not forgotten.

Sadly the radiotherapy was not worth going for.

Late on 18th January my partner became extremely unlike himself. I shan't go into detail here at this time everything is now getting jumbled up in my head. Somehow, despite the problems (I was convinced it was the cancer having spread to his brain that caused the personality change), I got him dressed and got an ambulance.

The two ambulance guys and the staff at King George Hospital, Ilford deserve mention here. Totally and thoroughly professional.

It seems the cancer had more or less gone on a merry jaunt throughout his system. He died and I was there nearly all the time. The final moments were very calm, I knew the pain had gone. I looked at the nurse as if to say "has he gone?" and she nodded and mouthed or whispered "yes". After his death they allowed me a lot of time, I could have taken more, but the NHS is not there to serve only one grieving partner. Life goes on for many others, and I felt I had to be mindful of that.

However, to still hold his hand and tell him how much I loved him and kiss his forehead seems so soap opera, but one does it.

So my intent of writing about his cancer treatment and how it was doing some good have now been thrown to the wind.

I hope I can continue to blog as anything out on the web that might be found for others in the same situation, be they gay or straight couples, would be worth it. Bereavement is not fun, especially of one still young. It would have been his 57th birthday on 26th January, and our 37th anniversary on 14th February.